Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
