dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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