There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Did I show you my penis last night?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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