She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
