Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
