Jerry, you need to find god
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
