she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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