he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
