Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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