he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
