there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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