ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
