I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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