You can't special order awesome
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
