I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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