You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
