And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
