No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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