ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
