Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
