who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm getting married
To pizza
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
