fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
