Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
