Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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