Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
