You made me cry and you don't even care
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
