So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
