Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
