just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
