now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
