it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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