you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
