you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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