I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
These tits shall not be calmed
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
