I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
