the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
this hospital has no fireball
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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