do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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