we're blogging at a bar
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
