you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
