I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
