We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
