Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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