She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
