We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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