Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
