i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
