How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
