Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
