i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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