Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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