Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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