My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
